Friday, December 3, 2010

N/a (2008)


Meet Jane.
Jane loves love, and endures hate. She does this all with a smile. Jane sounds intelligent but it's a cover up, not that she'd ever admit it. Jane has no identity of her own and depends on others to tell her what she is. She'll give 110% percent of her efforts for a sense of belonging somewhere. She appears tough but is a basket case. She's nice enough but there's something missing that provides just enough mystery to make her interesting to analyticals. She uses drugs like caffiene to normalize her body. If someone would just talk so she didn't have to she'd be more comfortable. She likes numbers and paper work, wishing that her life made sense like these did. Although people love Jane, she doesn't believe it and looks for reasons to disprove it constantly. The thought of mere solitude and lack of love keeps her up at night. Secretly, she would like to have a drug that fixed it, but her pride keeps her from talking to anyone about it. Rather, she keeps it inside where it's safe. On the outside she has a lot going for her, but it's all a front. She turns herself into what she'd like to be, hoping that she would find someone to spend time with that would make the change permanent. She uses art in various form to express what she's scared to speak, secret thoughts and desires that nobody else knows. Sometimes she feels like a predator looking for her next victim. The little piece of good that is inside her screams out a warning to those closeby, "She's about to go... run!" Terrified, the good person hides until the damage is done.
Unable to cope with what she is capable of, she allows herself to be moved to places, put into circumstances, and hurt. Hurt so deeply that she fears she'll never recover. The worst pain in her world is knowing that she'll never be as happy as she wants to be, nor make others happy doing what she wants to do. Even if she were to figure any of it out, it wouldn't matter, her life is lived in the shadows of others. Similar to a leech, sucking the life slowly out of the flesh of those around her. Silent.

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