The music is blasting, your adrenaline is pumping, and then you glance across the room and see him in all his good-looking glory, staring right at you. Something about being in a club all dolled up makes your confidence soar as you strut your stuff over to him and propose a dance. The next thing you know, you're awake, and you wonder, "Who's this man beside me? Did we sleep together? Did he use protection?" and last but not least, "Why have I stooped this low again?"
This is the power of love that Cosmopolitan, has made famous. This bible for the sexually active, independent woman has promoted a 'go-get-it-girl' approach to sex, trumpeting a woman's right to choose when, where, and how often. It's a message being taken to heart, or at least, to certain parts of the anatomy. From teenagers to twenty something's and up, young women often wake up in a strange man's bed, wondering what happened.
Many members of society have deemed casual sex an appropriate part of our everyday lives. We're all faced with sexual temptations, so we need a wakeup call to realize that sex is more than casual. We will see how casual teens are making sex, why teen promiscuity has gotten so out of control, and what we can do to open teen's eyes to a healthier behavior.
Casual sex is a nationwide epidemic among young people everywhere. 46.7 percent of high school students have had sexual intercourse, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's 2003 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey. Teens seem to have accepted the sexual revolution in our society as the cool thing to do, even giving trendy names to certain situations from cheating in their relationships to sending secret messages. For example, the Washington Post, in a January 23rd, 2004 article explains the "wifey/shorty model," often called many other things that are inappropriate to mention. A boy has a wifey relationship with one girl, and a shorty relationship with another girl. The shorty girl, also known as "friends with benefits" is strictly for casual sex with protection. The wifey girl meets the parents, and has a physical relationship without a condom because suggesting so, as stated in the article, means you've been messing around.
If that isn't bothersome enough, a new trend is sweeping over the teen society. I'm sure many people have seen the Jelly bracelets, made ever so popular by Madonna, Avril Lavingne and Pink. Only this time, these bracelets have a new unwholesome meaning and nickname: sex bracelets. They've become a sexual code to many teens. As told to NBC November 7th, 2003. Yellow is hugging, purple or orange is kissing, red is a lap dance, and the colors progress, as do the actions. In a game called "Snap", when a boy breaks a jelly bracelet off a girl's wrist, he basically gets a coupon for that sexual favor. Even though teens are being so casual about these situations, their still being effected emotionally and physically. 25 percent of sexually active girls say they are depressed all, most, or a lot of the time, whereas 8 percent of non-sexually active girls feel the same way, as found in a June 4th, 2003 edition of USA Today. For the boys, about 6 percent sexually active guys have attempted suicide, where as fewer then 1 percent have otherwise. And we all know the growing amount of teen pregnancy and STD's are always a problem associated with the sexual acts of teens.
Experts continue to argue about the main reasons for casual sex becoming so popular. Many believe that peer pressure is the biggest influence among teenagers' decisions. A recent study conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, suggests that some 63 percent of teens believe that waiting to have sex is a good idea, but few actually do. Peer pressure had also lead to many new terms, codenames, and issues. A new codename that teens around the coasts are using is "Rainbow Party". According to several teens in Michigan, they are parties where oral pleasure is given to guys. There are several girls wearing different colored lipstick, and they all leave their color on the guy, hence, the rainbow. Meg Meeker, who practices pediatric and adolescent medicine in Traverse, Michigan, knows all about rainbow parties. She wrote about them in her book, "Epidemic: How Teen Sex is Killing Our Kids." She tells the story of a 14 year old girl named Allyson who was invited to a rainbow party. She didn't know what it was, but she thought it might be fun. After she arrived, she realized what was really going on, and gave in under peer pressure, "It was one of the grossest things I've ever done," she told Meeker.
The media and celebrity influences have also changed societies rules on how casual, sex should be. After watching the movie "Thirteen", a group of teens went behind the theater, the boys stood by a wall, and the girls each took turns performing the acts they'd just seen as told to Meeker by a teacher. This type of behavior has become too public, happening on school busses, in movie theaters, or at parties. But most experts agree that examples made by the parents determine most of how teens act. Parents are mostly unaware of how sexual life is for teens now. Poor relationships, or not getting enough attention, can send teenagers off looking for other ways to satisfy the feeling of love their not getting at home.
So how can we, as teens change society's and expert views on our behaviors? Many teens are beginning to lean towards abstinence, seeing that it is the only 100% safe method. Even politicians like President Bush have noticed the problem, and have recently proposed that congress boost abstinence-only funding to $273 million, according to an article in the Columbia Chronicle Nov. 8, 2004. But the best thing teens can do to help this situation is to talk to their families and friends about sex, and other important topics. A study conducted by Family Planning Perspectives in 1999, found that teenagers who had discussed general sexuality issues with a parent were more comfortable communicating with a partner than were their peers who had not. Being a teenager myself, I know there are times when you need to talk to someone, and statistics prove that teens that are open with their parents are almost 30 percent less likely to have sex related issues later on in life. If you can't talk to your mom or dad about sex, why not talk to an adult that you're close with, or maybe a teacher that you feel comfortable around.
Many teens respond to things done by their role models. Miss America, 2003 from Urbana Illinois changed the lives of hundreds of girls all over America with her pro-chastity platform. Oprah, in a recent show on teens and casual sex, featured girls who believe that oral acts are no more extreme than a goodnight kiss. Casual sex is an issue of both morality and purity. Teenagers are constantly bombarded with hormones that are soon followed by that common feeling of being empty inside. Many teen girls justify acts in their minds by thinking that as long as their not going 'all the way', their not sacrificing the purity of their body. Adults have more knowledge than your friends do, even though talking about these things makes most teens nervous. When you become open with your family about the big things like sex, and drugs; then it's so much easier to talk to them about anything that bothers you at all, and in those dreaded family meetings, there won't be so many awkward silences.
I've gone over teen promiscuity, why it's gone so far, and how we can begin to control teen's raging hormones. The editor of Cosmopolitan, Lorraine Candy defends a woman's right to choose, but she opposes what she calls "McSex" - the takeaway coupling that leaves you feeling empty and slightly nauseous. Cosmo kissed casual sex goodbye, so should America's teens.
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