The end of this semester will take us away like a slow moving ocean-liner pulling away from the harbor. At first glance you wouldn't even think its moving, but as new horizon is unveiled and the old disappears behind, you can be certain it is moving and no two hands or football stance will stop it. I worry that a new semester will take me farther away from my recent losses, my past, and inevitably it will.
The truth is I'm worried I'm going to forget details and old friendships, time has a tendency to do that you know. I hope this time is different. I hope I can remember the little things that are so easy to remember now, his laugh or smile, his concern for me, her pride in my accomplishments, her wonder, his answers, all those things that made them my best friends.
Sometimes I think we try so hard to make everything seem business as usual, or tis the season, holiday as usual. I feel kind of disrespectful that we don't allow the hole in our lives to trip us up more. Is it weird that I feel like some awkward time would be nice, a table setting left empty some how consoling. A picture or memory that brings us to tears. If life is this fickle once earth has past us, it kinda dishonors the part that came before.
I think God would understand my sad heart when I think of these people. I think God wouldn't mind if I was quiet for a while and skipped out on a smile or two right now before the "new year" gets too carried away. If I be very deliberate I hope I can keep these memories real, so I can pass on to my family, and someday, children the legacy these people have left me.
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