Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Rainy day questions. (2010)

What if I let you down?
What if I'm really not the strong person you think I am?

The clock is ticking.

If I was so great why would I still be available?
What exactly is my problem?
What if I'm crazy?

Not the good kind of crazy that attracts people.

What if I'm creeper crazy and don't realize it?
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I over analyze. I question and I over prioritize things that mean nothing to anyone else but me.

My standard of loving is high, my standard of living is higher.

I'd rather make a difference to many, than to one. I'd rather love many than be confined to one.

I just, I know I need you. I've missed you my whole life. Something has remained incomplete.

I had this romantic ideal that I'd refrain from all physicality until I was married. My first kiss would be to my husband, he would be my first everything. that was taken from me. All was not lost. so I changed my goal to abstinence. Then that was taken from me.

What else is there for you?
Nothing, so why bother?

I'm leftovers. There's nothing special to give you now, I'm "that" girl. Like so many others. I blend in, I'm no longer exotic.

Give me something in myself in which to find value, and I'll give you a world changer.

I want to be everything, I don't want to be limited. But I can't help but limit myself due to my shortcomings.

So what do I do? I ensure that I keep failing, not only spiritually, but mentally and physically. Give me an inch, and watch me backtrack a mile.

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