Life Changes, Revelations (2007)

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Thanks be to God that I saw the light. Sometimes you have to enter extreme darkness to see that first spark. But in the blackness that had surrounded my spirit, that spark ignited the flames in my heart to the point of combustion. An internal combustion that consumes my entire spirit and mind.

Combustion, according to Miriam Webster is defined as:
1 : an act or instance of burning
2 : a usually rapid chemical process (as oxidation) that produces heat and usually light;also : a slower oxidation (as in the body)
3 : violent agitation

1) Burning is such a key in Christianity, both phsyically and spiritually. Why else would God say in the old testament that we, as christians, were to burn our sacrifices? Burning is so symbolic. We burn our trash in the summer because we want to rid ourselves of the garbage. Spiritual burning, repentance and confession, help us get rid of our worldly garbage.

2) I think of this as the revival aspect of Christianity, or the spiritual awakening. Sometimes it errupts quickly, causing what most would call a "spiritual high." Other times it's something slow and steady, where you get the warm comforting feeling of knowing that your beloved hasn't left you, and will never leave your side no matter how bad things get.

This aspect is one of the most taught reactions in today's church in America. We are taught to search out God through feelings. This can have a positive and negative effect. When God touches you, you know it and there's not a doubt left. But if all we do is sit around and wait on feelings we'll be sitting there until that pew is conformed to our bodies because that isn't what it's all about.

3) This is where the spiritual agitation comes in. This is the motivation to act, to move, to repent, to be healed. This is the overwhelming feeling of humility that make grown men weep and stand up as warriors. This is what separates the boys from the men, the weak from the strong, this is what defines us. This takes us out of our comfort zone and stretches us into the moral beings that God would like us to be.

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What motivates you? Asking yourself this question is more often than not. I confess that almost my entire life my motivation was other people's approval. If I felt like I was coming under judgement from anyone at all I would bend to the point of breaking (and beyond) to fix whatever it was that was "bringing me down." So you can only imagine how troubled my life was growing up in the Bible belt! Constantly seeking approval from others really made me competitive in receiving as much attention as I possibly could. I needed to be the star, I needed to be captivating to others, especially to my dad and other guys. I was a romantic.. I just knew that I'd be married by the time I was 20 and have a couple kids by the time I was 22. I wanted to be the Martha Stewart mom (minus the felony) and everyone would love me.

It wasn't until I started thinking on my own for the first time, and asking God to heal the areas in my life where I was allowing myself to be controlled that I saw any results. I'm not going to lie, it sucked for a couple days. I just wanted to go home and go to bed and not have talks with Amber some nights. But I was sick and tired of the apathy that was surrounding my life and the lifes of others around me. I knew God was moving and I wasn't going to let another moment pass by because I was scared of what others might think.

I'm standing alone with God, and I'm steadfast. I don't need to rely on acceptance and approval, and unless I'm married, no explanations are required for my behavior. If I feel that I need to take myself out of a situaiton, I will. I'm not going to be a benchwarmer when God has called me as a Christian to the front line. I'm starting. I'm igniting, and i'm ready to "soul combust."