Fear and Friends (2011).

Ever since I was little I was scared of the dark. Not of the physical lack of light, but the fear was more what I couldn't see.

I would wake up in the middle of the night a lot. Most of the time I had to use the bathroom. So I would get up, walk calmly to the bathroom. After I would look in the mirror quickly to make sure there were no axe murderers behind me. Then I would turn off the lights and run as fast as I could from the bathroom back into my bedroom,  jumping 2 feet in the air, and I'd make the landing. I would pull the covers up to my chin, glance around the room again to make sure I was safe, then I would relax and nuzzle back into my pillow.

This is all really detailed and strange, but it reminds me of the way people take solace in stable things, like the safety of a bed. If I didn't trust in it I wouldn't run to it. I wouldn't dread leaving it in the morning and I wouldn't look forward to it for naps or at night when I'm wiped out. I'm the type of person that needs to see things, to feel and touch things, to know for sure they exist. But there are some things I question that I shouldn't, like friendships and relationships.

I get really concerned that people aren't who they say they are, and I know it falls back to a history of doing the same thing myself. It's something I've worked at and, I believe, have made drastic improvements. I always worry whether or not people like who I've become. The funny thing is, there have been people who have outright told me they didn't approve of my changes in mindset and it's done nothing but empower me. It's the people who don't tell me one way or the other, the fence sitters, and people who agree with me totally all the time, that keep me worried.

I'm sarcastic, cynical (when necessary). Once I know someone well enough to see potential I'm going to keep challenging them to reach it, and I'm abrasive and opinionated about it oftentimes. But I think it's important for my friends to know that I'm scared a lot of the time, and my biggest fear is not accomplishing what I've set out to do and disappointing you.

So all the times that I'm standoffish, or I'm busy, or I'm incommunicado, it isn't that I'm not thinking about you, it's not that I love you any less than someone who talks to you all the time, it's that I'm working as hard as I know how to in order to make you proud of me.

I come off as independent, but I'm really not, but I'm okay at putting on a facade. I am able to laugh when being teased and I can joke back without taking it to heart most of the time. I struggle because I feel guilty for not being more involved in people's lives. For not thinking to call and text and talk to people more often. I'm so goal oriented, but the goals that I have set for myself were set with you in mind.

I want to make a difference so you have a better quality of life. Most of my friends in Illinois live in Carbondale, so it was important to me to interview the mayoral candidates so you would know what they felt on important issues that relate to Carbondale.

My mom works in Pre-K and my dad works with the mining industry. Both of these fields are extremely affected by political agendas, and I wanted to understand it better. I wanted to help them continue to work and be prosperous.

My sister is a musician, an artist, and loves everyone she meets. She is very supportive of human rights and it is my goal, my main goal, to see that she is able to help people freely in any way she sees fit.

I chose politics because I love my family and I love my friends and I want to see them happy. I want them to continue to have all the freedoms they desire, and hope they continue to learn and to grow. I chose this to educate, and I don't understand everything, and I hope I never do. I want to encourage communications with people of different mindsets, peaceful communication.