A mild moment in history (2011).

"You know, I never intended on living in Carbondale. I was going to get my degree, leave here and do something real with my life. Then I got a job. My job allowed me to help people, which I loved doing, and then my entire outlook changed." - Don Monty

I just interviewed Mr. Monty and his outlook on things interested me. He talked about change, and how people don't like it, and it's not always fun, but it's always necessary for progression.

I always try to look at my life, and while some of my moves have been due to running, my last move wasn't. I really didn't feel "right," and that's the best way I know how to put it. Ever since I was young I felt like I needed to do more. That I wouldn't necessarily live in the same place, and I loved to travel and experience new things.

I think that some people are meant to be temporary, and in my life so far, I've been a temporary person. I typically have shown up when someone was in need of change, I helped facilitate their need, but then I left. Most of the time there was drama involved, but later on both parties were able to see the value in the lessons they both learned.

My first move (3 months)
I gained tolerance, which was something I was desperately lacking when I left Harrisburg in 2006. When I came back after a few months I was able to communicate better with some, but I still had a long way to go.

I entered into a serious relationship and became engaged which lead to..

My second move (seven months) I thought it was for love, but it was for re-instilling self confidence that I had lost. This time I had a roommate who was my best friend. My insecurities became entirely exposed and self destructed both my friendship and my engagement within the first couple months. I had my first full time job, and later I became a youth minister.

When I came back late in 2007 I intended on going back to school and to make amends with the trailblazing I had done in my personal relationships in 2006. I stayed for awhile, started dating again and some of my old problems started rearing their heads. Instead of trying to solve my problems I ended by relationship and jumped into another one. I ended up becoming engaged for a second time, which ended sourly. To say I didn't respond well is the understatement of the century; I left at the beginning of 2009.

My third move (14 months) The first 10 months I continued to struggle and grieve. I had to learn to pick myself back up, to be able to operate as a single entity, and to move on with my life. Although I was involved in a relationship the last 4 months, that helped me realize I was worth trying to change, but was not strong enough to last through the changing process.  I learned so much about myself during this move. I met many people who had a huge impact on my life; whether the situation was positive or negative. There is always a lesson, there's always something to take away from an interaction.

I don't hold on to hatred
I don't feel the need to lose my sobriety.
If I don't understand you, I ask questions.
If something upsets me, I confront it, I don't ignore it.
I try to inspire people to reach their true potential.
I work hard to be an emotionally stable person.
I work hard to be reliable and trustworthy.

Now with that being said, I'm not perfect. I'd love to be perfect, it'd be awesome, but I'm not. It upsets me when I fail at my list. I feel like I've failed people, which makes me feel like I'm a bad person. I can say that I've struggled with being naive to situations, that I trusted too far in certain situations, and I have messed up many times. I've owned up to it, many long and painful conversation, which has taught me another lesson.

Honesty is the absolute best policy.

It's something I can't stress enough, especially this week. It's been rough, what I'm most upset about is that it was something I'd already addressed, we were making progress. So when it was brought up again, I had to re-live it again. I had to re-question myself and my character, so my blogs are sort of reflective of that. I was angry, which sped up the process. I was upset that it had to come to that. As horrible as this past week has been, I wouldn't trade it. As bad as I feel now, this won't last forever, and everyone involved will grow in some way.

Until then, there will be more hard talks, and a lot of re-hashing of the same conversations. I can get back up, this isn't the worst thing that has ever happened in my history by a long shot. It's mild, actually.

Desire (2011).

This was sparked by Jael listing her wants and Sam teasing her about wanting a list. So, Zach, here you go :)

I am so ready to curl up in bed.
I want you to be with me right now.
I want to turn on a movie and fall asleep.

I want to hug you and bury my face in your neck.

I want you to play with my hair while we talk, again.

I kind of just want you to touch me in general, I enjoy it.

I want to relax without worrying about missing breaking news.

I want to cook delicious meals.

I want to read my school books.

I want to hang out with my sister.
I don't want to be "so" about my job.


I want to focus.
I want to take pictures.
I want to have real friends.
I want butter pecan ice cream.

I want the 80's look to come back into style.

I want an entire day where I don't worry about things.
I want to have friends (real or not) that want to spend time with me.



After looking at my list, I also want to give up on my OCD tendencies that required that I order each want by length.

Just a couple thoughts on my day off (2011).

I was reading through some of my old notes from high school the other day. I had an assignment to write down 100 quotes that meant something to me. I really really liked this one.


The clock is running. 
Make the most of today. 
Time waits for no man.

Yesterday is history. 
Tomorrow is a mystery. 
Today is a gift. 

That's why it is called the present.

"Sun Dials and Roses of Yesterday: Garden Delights" by Alice Morse Earle



This lead me to write a series of short little rhymes that are all kind of along the same line.


No matter where you've gone
No matter who you've been
You can always begin, again.
----------------------------------------------------------------
I am who I choose to be;
But that's not what I need.
We should always search
And consider who we are made to be.
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Life may not be easy.
I may not make you proud.
Tribulation helps me see,
So I don't float among the clouds.

:) (2011).

Today has been awesome; I really feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. My classes all went well, the subject matter is really interesting and I'm enjoying the banter I have with my fellow classmates. I am so glad that I got my generals out of the way first, now that I'm in my core classes everyone is so like minded. It's a great feeling.

My article today was stressful, but in a good way. I'm really getting comfortable in the field and I'm learning more everyday. I had a situation with NeuroRestorative, a group home in Carbondale. They tried to get city council to grant them a "special use permit" which allows more than one group home to exist on the same lot, which violates the existing ordinance which states that there must be 800 feet (1 street block) distance between one group home and another.

Not super interesting, right? That's what I thought until I went to the meeting. Apparently this business has caused many issues in the subdivision in which it is currently located. So much that the entire group of 25 households came, with a signed petition, and handed it to the mayor. Then they all spoke during the public hearing on it.

It was really interesting to see the Neuro rep give her presentation, because it was so eloquent and well prepared. I was shocked to see all the neighbors turn up to protest it.

Anyways, so the issue with today's article was that Neuro refused to do a follow up interview with me after hearing the complaints of the neighbors in the subdivision. Bad news bears, I was on deadline.

Luckily I still had the city council meeting recorded from my re-cap article, so I was able to quote their statements. (Yay for audible hoarding!)

Now my article is being edited now, I'm ready to go to Zach's house and have dinner. 10pm is late enough :)

Frappuccinos and Facebook (2011).

As a student we know what college life is about. We deal with homework, deadlines, professors, other students, relationships, parents and that second job to pay for the apartment we are never in because we are always at the library/lab/studio/practice/meetings/classes - none of which are climate controlled. Basically, we are paying to be malnourished workaholics addicted to frappuccinos and Facebook, all in hope of a better life (complete with a paycheck) after graduation; the only thing that gets us through is more caffeine, friends, or that distant mythical place called Saturdays (Yeah, we've heard those exist).

This is my reprieve. 

Finally, a place that appeals to the little things in my life that need to be unleashed. There is no hard news, no negative reports or depressing headlines. Within these entries, I can find relief from the daily stresses that occasionally weigh me down. No one was injured in a car crash, it's always sunny and there is always enough parking for everyone. So hopefully, whoever is reading this, will have a chance to understand my lifestyle. Everything is written by me (unless otherwise noted), and is built on the stories, artwork and experiences of my life.

Thoughts in Passing (2011).

I didn't end up going to Kentucky for the wedding because I had interviews that I had to do for the paper early today, and I wanted to be able to spend longer visiting with my friends. Instead I went to the movies, shopping for cardigans, groceries for a football party. I also took a bunch of pictures which pleased me greatly. I miss everyone in Kentucky, but I really needed a quiet day. I was able to do a lot of relaxing things that helped me before school started. I haven't really written any poetry lately, and this one isn't very good but I thought I'd post it anyways.


I read things all the time. 
I browse the net; peruse online.
I try to keep my mind occupied.
I hope these emotions get easier with time.


It's hard knowing I'm the one to blame.
That I'm the cause of all your pain.
If I could fix it I would be your savior.
Sometimes I wish life would grant me the favor.


January is coming to an end.
My memories are starting to blend.
I'm piecing things back together with glue.
I wish you knew it's hard for me too.

Oh weddings

I'm really happy that my friend is getting married to someone he loves. Weddings are a time of celebration, the joining of two souls into one. Namely, getting your super powers. If one person can be good, two people combined can be great. The key, is being great for good and not evil.

I'm headed to Kentucky to go to this wedding tomorrow. I haven't been since Christmas and I'm hoping I can catch up with some people while I'm there. I definitely want to see my family, I got my SLR camera working again (thanks to Zach), and I'm hoping to take a lot of pictures. It's a great stress reliever for me, and this is the last day that I'll get off until the end of the semester.

I have four 400 level classes that are all paper rich, I also was promoted from writing one article a week to five. So this just became a crazy-stress-filled-oh-my-god-my-head-may-kerplode-before-its-over semester. I told my parents the other day to have all my mail forwarded to the school, because I'll likely never see them again. I may, in fact, disappear.

So, before that happens, I want to go to Kentucky and see some people. Not all, because it isn't possible to do so in less than one day unfortunately. Zach's coming with me, so I'm really excited that he can meet my family. This is our first extended road trip together, I'm most excited about that.