Trial run

I was given a press release from an actual event and had 45 minutes to write a story from it, edit it, and produce a news article. I thought I'd share, I think it turned out okay, but I haven't had it edited yet, so we'll see how that goes.

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Kayla Kearns

Daily Egyptian

Head:  Former governer Edgar ‘outraged’ by Illinois’ deficit

Illinois faces a budget deficit that could reach $15 billion this year. Jim Edgar, former Illinois Gov., gave a speech about the state’s financial situation in the Student Center Tuesday night.

Edgar was the last governor elect to leave the state without deficit, he was also the last governor not convicted of corruption.

Edgar, a Republican, was elected governor in 1990 and re-elected in 1994. He now works with the Institute of Government and Public Affairs at the University of Illinois, according to IGPA’s website. He also served as Illinois secretary of state for 10 years, according to the website.

David Yepsen, director of the Paul Simon Public Policy Institute, said it was good to get the former governor’s insight into the state’s financial crisis.

Democratic lawmakers pushed an income tax increase through the legislature earlier Tuesday. It would raise the state’s personal income tax 66 percent. The tax rate would go from 3 percent to 5 percent if Gov. Pat Quinn signs the bill into law. Quinn has supported a tax increase.

Edgar said it was an “outrage” that the state’s leaders had allowed the situation to get so bad.

“The state of Illinois faces the worst fiscal crisis in its history,” Edgar said in his speech. “Depending on how you slice the numbers, Illinois’ financial state is the worst, second-worst, or third-worst in the nation.”

Edgar said that the Republican party is not without fault for the financial deficit.

“The free-spending days of George Ryan set the stage for this problem. The administration of Governor Blagojevich made things exponentially worse,” he said.

Lt. Gov. Sheila Simon, a former SIUC law professor, said she admired Edgar. “Jim Edgar was a leader for the whole state, not just his party. He combined fiscal conservatism with concern for education and other social issues.”

“He is absolutely correct when he says the situation is outrageous. I think he played down the effects o the recession of the state, but overall I think he was on target,” she said.

“Governor Quinn and I intend to turn this around,” Simon added. “We are focused on improving the quality of life for everyone in this great state. We will get the state’s payments up to date, improve the public education, and make sure the social safety net does not disappear.”

In response to a question from audience member Laura Teagarden, of Carbondale, Edgar said he thought southern Illinois’ coal mines were unlikely to make a comeback.

“Coal from the West is much cleaner, and coal from other areas can be mined so much more efficiently. I think the economic future of this region lies elsewhere,” he added.

Rep. Mike Bost, R-Murphysboro, who voted against the tax increase, was among those who attended the speech.

“I see no indication that Speaker Madigan or President Cullerton have any intention of doing anything besides raising taxes. There is no serious plan to cut spending.”

Edgar said the tax increase, which is supposed to be temporary, might by a necessary but would not begin to bring in more revenue for months. In the meantime, he said, it was likely the state would look to borrow money to pay its bills.

“Borrow and spend; it’s an old tune we all know by heart,” he said. “The harsh fiscal reality might well be that we have no choice but to raise taxes and borrow money to pay our bills, but the way we got into this mess deserves examination.”

Quinn, a Democrat, who served as lieutenant governor until Blagojevich was impeached and removed from office, tried to get a tax increase through the legislature previously, but could not get support from his own party.

Yepsen said polls have shown voters are willing to pay higher taxes to solve the problem.

“Polls have shown the voters are willing to pay higher taxes to solve the problem,” he said. “What they’re not willing to do, though, is pay higher taxes and have the situation stay the same. They want to see progress.”

Yepsen said incumbent legislators enjoy a great advantage in Illinois elections. “They can safely assume they will be re-elected barring unforeseen circumstances or events. But no one likes to say, ‘Hey, I raised your taxes. Vote for me.’”

First day of training

Today has been good for me. I am starting training "boot camp" at the Daily Egyptian, and I've been promoted to the city desk as an associate editor. I was nervous when I first left from my house. I had my lunch, my backpack (complete with my laptop and voice recorder, various writing utensils and paper.), coffee and red grape juice. When I'm alone and I get nervous I listen to a variety of burned and mixed CDs that I have at my disposal.

So, on the way to work today, I listened to The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. I have been listening to it in the car for about a week now, so it's almost memorized. When I'm nervous, the screaming sort of snaps me out of it, because (in my head) these artists are expressing something deep that can't be sung about in a simple matter. These lyrics hold a meaning so intense that they literally have to scream it or it won't be properly expressed.

So, anyways, the album is “Don’t You Fake It” and Google tells me that it was released in 2006. I recognized “Face Down” because it was super popular. There are other songs that  struck me, so as I’m reading through these I’m going to paste some. These lyrics all remind me of different circumstances and different people.

“I remember a year ago I was standing in the crowd
waiting for my chance to break through, my chance to live again.”

“I'm reaching out here to show you what we've been through
I think there's something we can share, that's completely new
or maybe I'm just insane.”

“Take time to contemplate who you are and where you want to go.”

“I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold
You tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?
It's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke.”

“A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence.”

“Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen.”

“Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me.
You must live for me too'.
For me too, yeah, yeah.
You said that you would die for me.“



“Return to days when you knew you still felt alive
Reveal the way you felt when you could look inside
They've sold you
everything you need to fix you up
and you feel good now but you can't wake up
they found a way to reassure you
that everything would be okay
reach out today now I implore you
to remember who you are.”

“There's a fire in your eyes
And I hope you'll let it burn
There's a scream in your voice
And I hope you will be heard
There's a fire in your eyes
And I hope you'll let it burn
Until you're heard, you're heard”

“Point of rhythm is to follow it in time
To listen to the beating in your mind
Remember if you seek then you shall find”

“Once there was a time when we could learn
all the simple pleasantries a follower should yearn.
now all that I can do is watch them burn
and wish that I could save them all, or just one.”

“Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one.”

“Don't take what's in front of me,
open eyes can see I have everything
Tell you, don't take what's in front of me,
tell you, don't take what's in me.”

Week One

I'm not going to try and defend myself that much, because I don't really feel that I'm doing a good thing. I listen to my family and friends and they say "Good! You are doing the right thing" I have to stay busy and occupied with everything in the world I can come up with, but at night it catches up to me and I can't sleep. I feel horrible and there's no one to blame but myself. It seems like I have to choose between stressed and sad.

I have completely re-organized, and re-arranged, my room, I'm paint shopping, I made a shelf scarf, a found a window pane and treated it and turned it into wall art. I colored my hair, then I bleached highlights into it, then dyed those highlights dark purple and red. I have purchased all my books, I've been cooking, I have had no phone because mine bit the dust when I changed my number. I haven't been online because I don't really like getting on here anymore knowing that I won't have things to read about. I feel bad for trying to figure out what you are up to, because "this is what I wanted" (says my friend in which I confide). Maybe I changed my mind, this is harder than I thought, but I can't, because things wouldn't be the same, and I don't  know that I'd want them to be, but I do miss you.

So maybe it's the "right thing" but I really don't feel "good" about it.

New Year.

This change, my days, haven't come easy.
This transition sometimes makes me queasy.
A new number really does change everything.
Instead of my phone going off, there's nothing.

Nothing.
Nothing.
Is that what you wanted?

Instead of giving me space you pushed, you shoved, and you pushed.
When I didn't listen and jump at your words, it brought out your worst.
I hope this is what you hoped for, you didn't expect to be rushed.
You shoved me too far, hurt me too much, so this is what you deserve.

Memory Lane.

I'm sitting here, listening to Christmas music. It's snowing outside and my parents are both keeping busy with various things. I'm trying to get used to being alone, because we need to be happy alone before we can really make anyone else happy for a long term period of time. I am very aware that I've struggled in this department for years. I would bend over backwards to keep the people around me smiling and happy, I would love on people to the best of my ability, but I did so (unknowingly at the time) because I was trying to make their happiness rub off on me. It was a full time job being an emotional super hero, and I thought I loved it, but then I had a "snap."

Call it a moment of clarity, where I realized what I'd been doing. But I didn't know where to go from there, I just knew I had to fix me, and everything else had to wait. So that's what I did. I ended my relationship, cut my ties to Kentucky, told my parents I was moving back, and enrolled in university for political science international affairs. I had to believe that it would be better for everyone else in the long run.

So I moved, and I'm in Illinois, and it's been really hard because I loved everyone that I left. I physically left them but I still tried to be there emotionally, which hurt when I failed. It's the reality of my situation, that even if I am helping myself, that I'm going to make others suffer. There's no free lunch. I really wish I could though, and knowing that I have to choose is troubling me greatly. It's a choice I make a lot, whether or not to call, whether or not to visit. It's hard because if I keep that dependency alive I'll hurt them again and again. I don't want that, but I feel like I need them.

It's a troubling quandary I have myself in, and I'm afraid it will get worse before it gets better.

Hope. (2010)

During the holiday season, as this year wraps up, I have been very reflective. This time last year I was still coming out of a personal "recession" period in my life. I used to have a problem with substance abuse to deal with the trials I was facing in life, as opposed to dealing with them in a natural way. I had moved away from my family and friends, running away from dealing with things; but it ended up being a change that I needed. 

When I moved to Kentucky my family practiced tough love on me. I handed over my inhibitors and re-focused my life on natural things. In other words, I went entirely organic and green, and went artistic. My grandparents had purchased a storage space with all kinds of things in it, some trash, some treasure.

Among these things was a hope chest. This chest looked pretty rough when I first saw it, but it quickly became my pet project. I worked with my grandparents on this when I was going through my first month sober. A lot of times I would wake up and be sanding on this chest of 3 or 4 in the morning because my withdrawal symptoms were so severe that I had to do something.

I got it finished and I painted a floral pattern on it (to be honest, I drew it first and then painted in the lines extremely carefully). It turned out beautiful and I couldn't help but feel extremely attached to it. I saw it as a physical symbol of my sobriety, as well as a beacon of hope that I could overcome obstacles and become beautiful again.

This time, in December of last year, I had incorporated the chest into my house furniture and everyone commented on it when they would come in. I just told them that I had found it in a storage facility and chose it because the greens in it matched my chair that it sat by. I still struggled with depression, but I had stuck through with sobriety.

I met several people who were instrumental in helping me through: celebrating the good times, as well as comforting me during the bad. I decided to move in with a friend and we were moving my furniture when it started raining.

May 1, 2009 two of my best friends were in a wreck while we were helping me move my belongings. They were in a van, which struck a median, and flipped two times. By some miracle, they were both able to walk away with only cuts. They were taken to the hospital and both given a clean bill of health (minus one with a few stitches).

My hope chest was damaged in the wreck, as well as most of my clothing, but it was the memories that I had with the chest that made the impact so hard on me. I was dating someone at the time who had an idea how important it was, and he promised to try to fix it for me with his father.

Within the next two months I had progressed enough that I was strong enough to return home. I was going to continue school and work on my relationship with my family that I had left behind. My clothing had been replaced from the wreck, but my hope chest sat there, still damaged and now gathering dust. My relationship ended, but there were still promises to fix what had been broken.

August 12, 2009 my friend, who had been in the wreck, brought my hope chest to me. It was still broken, as the person mentioned above had never fixed it, but was still together enough to be transported to Illinois from Kentucky.

School started a few weeks later and I had a new job at the Buckle in Carbondale. I had struggled with sobriety, being back home and missing my friends in Kentucky, but for the most part had kept clean. I made new friends, but one in particular stood out to me. He was a coworker, funny sometimes, but always pretty chipper and excited about life and school. His personality rubbed off on me and I enjoyed spending time with him.

We began dating at the end of September, after my birthday, when I had regained sobriety. We struggled in the beginning, as most couples do, with communication, but we have always been able to work through things. He knows more about me than any other person, and it doesn’t scare me. I trust him with my emotions and vulnerabilities, and he doesn’t judge my past.

We were talking about our furniture and I took him out and showed him my hope chest that matched the green char he had already seen. He noticed it was broken and I told him about the wreck, and nothing else was mentioned about it.

A few days later, I was leaving for work and he said he was going to stay behind to work on things at my house. I asked what he had in mind, and he simply replied, “your hope chest.”

People can tell you that they love you all day long. They can write you poems and visit you and give you flowers. But when they step outside their comfort zone, when they fix something that you can’t fix yourself. That’s paying it forward, and that’s love.

Love is hope, and hope is what the birth of Jesus Christ was to bring to all the people. Jesus is what people are missing when they Christmas shop, because maybe it isn’t the hottest toy or the coolest sweater, maybe it’s a few rivets and a little sanding on a chest that a girl worked on with her grandparents at a pivotal time in her life that matters the most.

Thank you, Zach, for sharing the Christmas spirit with me.

Finals week, yay (2010)

I'm not breathing well, everything is hitting me all at once and I need a release of some sort. I'm trying to do this sober, without bothering people with my problems. I don't want to be anymore of an inconvenience than I am already, especially at finals time. There are things I need to talk about, but the people who talk to me don't receive the subject well. So I just stop. I'll over talk about other things that don't matter as much to me, because I don't want to upset you any more than I have already. I'm glad you finally said something.