No car, No cell phone, No worries (2005)

I'm thinking about my future today. I've been a bit nostalgic as well. Sometimes when you're going through a rough time in your life (mine being my breakup situation) it is really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In my case, not being able to see this light made me make some decisions that I now regret. But I went to Kentucky pretty battered, and I made a complete change while I was there. It's amazing what a good example can do for you! Now it doesn't matter to me if I don't have a date on Friday, or if I'm just going home after work. I can go home, and spend what time I have left with my family, I can hang out with my friends at school and work. I can also get all my work done at school so I hardly ever have homework. Sure this may sound like absolutely no fun to other people, but I am genuinely happy with where I'm at right now. My transmission on my car blew on Friday night, I'm out $500, but it's okay. Instead of spending all my money on useless things when I got paid last summer, I put it in the bank. So now I have more than enough to cover that. My cell phone is broken, but it's okay, I have a house phone and I can still check my voicemail on my cell. I'm not worried about it, and I'm not rushing to fix it. I have enough money to cover that as well. What I am worried about is the fact that after my car had some extensive water damage in it, my bible was destroyed in the mess. So if I need anything, it's a ride to Carterville to the lifeway christian store so I can buy a bible. I've been online reading the bible at night and finding lessons online, but it's really just not the same. My old bible had all my lessons I'd ever taken underlined and I had written notes on the sides so I could look back and recall everything I had learned. I miss that a whole lot. It was almost like my christian photo album. God's telling me, "look, here's where you've been." But I do feel truely blessed with where I am right now. Sure I have my bad days, but so does everyone else, I'm just focusing on my good days, being a senior, and moving to Kentucky when I graduate to be with my family and friends that I care so much for.

My Girls (from 2005)

Hey
I just wanted to send out some thank ya's to some of my main girls.

In alphabetical order cuz it's easier

Ashley Johnson - Hey girl! Thanks for helping me hang in there this past month or so and telling me to keep doing what I know is right and to give it all to God cuz he knows best.
Tammy Kearns (mom) - Mom, you helped out more than you know. Thanks to some of your quirky insights on things, I've come to realize that I don't need someone in my life that's going to be immature during important things. Thanks for teaching me never to settle.
Brynna Murphy - Hey Brynn, we're really just starting to get back in touch, but you were the very first friend that came to my house after the breakup, and it meant more to me than you'll ever know. I was so amazed at the fact that you pretty much didn't bring up the fact that we hadn't been in touch very much and we started right where we left off. That's how real friends are, and I'm glad you're mine.
Dena Rennie - Weezie, Weezie, Weezie heh. Girl you are crazy and you've kept me really distracted lately. Whether it's yellin at ex boyfriends out car windows, leaving notes on trucks, going through most of a large pizza or talking about your boyfriend helping me see that I should wait for someone that great, you've always been there for me weez and I appreciate it.
Melissa Ruether - Hey girly, I'm really glad I met you this year! It's really rare that you find someone your age that has the same stands as you on everything so you've been a major support group for me. You let me know that it's okay to stand up for myself, and it's okay to be happy now, even if he hasn't moved on yet.

Liz Voelz - Hey Lizzy, whether it's skinny dippin, or just hanging out and having driving adventures, you've always been there for me when I've needed you the most. You are my oldest girl friend and I respect your opinion a lot because we have a lot of the same opinions on things. Thanks again.

Thank you to everyone who's helped me lately... they haven't just been girls, but I wanted to give them some special recognition that's long over due.

The Man in Red

International Relations and political correctness has reached a point where it affects almost every facet of our lives. As the holidays approach, we all struggle with how to be politically correct in our celebrations. With the influx of political correctness in international relations, states have progressed to the point that the end result is a very non-descriptive, boring culture. In our attempts to be non-offensive, we have become inaccurate in our communication. Around the holidays we are so concerned about being inappropriate that we offer no greeting or good wishes at all. Our good intentions result in bad perceptions. Most of us would rather be perceived as good intentioned and politically incorrect than simply indifferent.

Why do we go through all of this trouble? Santa Claus. Critics might wonder how Santa would have anything to do with international relations, or the political realm. But when analytically looking into the Santa Claus persona, one can find example of almost every type of international and political incorrectness possible. From a realist perspective, he has the ultimate hegemony. There is nobody who can compare, and no one has tried to. From a liberal perspective, Santa needs some work with the help of groups and institutions. From an identity approach the world must become like Santa, or Santa needs to change his ways to incorporate the world equally. 

So, looking a little deeper into Santa and what he’s about, the first thing that comes to mind is his list. Like Herbert Hoover and the F.B.I., Santa Claus keeps a list of everyone who has been acting in accordance with his wishes, assuming he knows the difference between bad and good. How does he keep tabs on behavior? He is a peeping tom, and he breaks into houses at night. If states had a list that they checked twice to determine whether other diplomats were being good or bad international relations would combust.

Imagine press releases from Obama’s chancellor, “We are unable to release the contents of the list because its release could harm international relations; as well as the study of the relations among states and other political and economic units in the international system. Particular areas of study within the field of international relations include diplomacy and diplomatic history, including international law, The Chancellor's officials fear any omissions of world leaders. The list would be able to deduce things from that. And it was felt that the disclosure was not in the public interest. The possible harm to international relations outweighed public interest of disclosing the list.” The “list game” involves states joining an alliance and going into war. It is mostly played by players from Israel, China, USA, Britain, Brazil and Saudi-Arabia., senior diplomats and Obama’s personal contacts could be seen as a snub and may cause offense if the list is published. Can you imagine what that would do worldwide? From a realist perspective, this is great, a good source of power if you are Santa, of course. Liberals would likely create an institution calling for the release of names on the list, and Identity perspectives would revolt at the lack of communication happening between states that held lists over one another’s heads.

Liberal would approach the development in guidelines for gift giving with the implementation of institutions. Santa‘s “he sees you when you’re sleeping; he knows when you’re awake,” method of checking up on people has got to stop. The Patriot Act didn’t even go that far. Claus’s surveillance extends way beyond what any state’s privacy laws allow:  plus, it’s creepy. Determination of who’s been naughty or nice will no longer involve his watching people at all hours anymore, there will be a democratic voting system set up with NGO’s in various locations around the world.  In terms of wish lists, Santa will encourage emails instead of letters from now on to minimize paper waste. 

From an identity approach, Santa’s consistent trespassing violations need to be addressed for the safety of people all over the world. Well-intentioned or not, you can’t just enter people’s houses unannounced. Even most landlords have to give twenty-four-hour notice before coming to their tenants’ doors. From now on, he’s got to get written consent before he sets foot in any one of the billion homes he plans to visit this Christmas Eve. Also, the house hit list must begin to extend beyond homes that celebrate Christmas only, because Santa is an equal-opportunity gift giver, regardless of religion. 

Santa will now have to include the celebration of Chanukah, and other religious celebrations. As Santa will not be able to run everything by himself, he will likely have to hire helpers who will have to be screened. When the media finds out about this, Chanukah will become a mainstream holiday, so all employees must undergo government required training (Liberal approach) so that they will not fall victim toSemitic Phlegm Syndrome (SPS): The inability to make the guttural, Hebraic 'ch' sound when pronouncing the word Chanukah. SPS sufferers become paralyzed with fear that a passing remark about Chanukah will cause them to choke and hyperventilate uncontrollably. Not to mention at the dinner table when they mistakenly launch throat projectiles into the mashed potatoes. Sufferers typically isolate themselves from family members during spontaneous 'round-the-piano sing-a-longs, particularly during the number "(C)happy (C)holidays."

In response to fair trade, an identity approach would require an extreme makeover for Santa’s elf sweatshop. Santa exploit’s the vertically challenged, forcing elves into non-union labor conditions similar to that of third world countries. No longer should these little people be subjected to unfair work conditions and forced to work day and night under Mr. Kringle’s judgmental stare. Starting this season, elves will work eight-hour days with allotted one-hour lunches and two fifteen-minute breaks. They’ll have health care benefits, as constant toy making often leads to carpal tunnel syndrome, and the ability to unionize. Vacation and sick days can be taken any time of year, not just directly after the holidays, and with the help of a newly appointed human resources director to promote diversity, Santa’s workshop will extend jobs to tall people as well. 

The problems from this, a realist would interject, is that tall people have bigger hands and are needed in other areas of business just as they have always been. Liberals would say to allow tall people who want the jobs to have the opportunity, but to be prepared for sufferers of Calendar Countdown Condition (CCC): An unyielding obsession with how many shopping days are left until Christmas. Constantly reaching for PDAs and notepads, CCC sufferers feel a pressing need to absorb and retain a daunting litany of time zones, store hours and driving mileage in support of their making deadlines obsession. "It's amazing," notes John Smitty, head of the research team for CCC. "Some of these people can't even balance their checkbooks. But can they number-crunch the time it should take to put together a bicycle down to the millisecond." Another research panel would be on site to treat workers for OCD-AAA: A variation on obsessive compulsive disorder, in which sufferers are constantly on the verge of panic for fear that they forgot to put triple-A batteries in children’s Game Boys and other electronic equipment.

An identity follower’s next line of action would be to assure that Mrs. Claus gets equal partnership in the North Pole. Mr. Claus is happy to have Mrs. Claus isolated at home, bogged down in patriarchal oppression, never fulfilling her true potential. Does Mrs. Claus even have a first name? In modern society that must come to an end. Kris Kringle gets all the glory every Christmas, but what about the rest of the year? Are kids to believe he runs the workshop all by his lonesome? Behind every great man is a great woman, and it’s time she got a voice. The new Mrs. Claus will own 50 percent of the North Pole’s business and lay claim to at least half of Santa’s assets should they ever part ways. Oh, and she’ll get a first name, too. 

A high priority for a liberal would be to comply with PETA standards. PETA has been on Santa’s case for years because of his fur-lined coats, leather boots, and use of reindeer to cart him around the world. Rather than waiting for him to get splattered in red paint or for rabid animal-rights activists wearing deer suits to invade the North Pole, a liberal would need to make sure Santa trades in all that fur and leather for faux fur and pleather. As for the reindeer, Santa can’t bring presents to boys and girls worldwide without them. But he can give Rudolph and the rest of the herd breaks throughout the night and feed them organic apples and grass. 

Identity would suggest, but not demand, that Santa go on a diet and kick his pipe smoking habit for the children’s sake. With child obesity rates soaring, today’s Santa shouldn’t be sending the message that a belly shaking like a bowl full of jelly is okay, or that drug paraphernalia is cool. Apparently unaware of good nutrition and the need for an exercise regimen, he’s overweight and has rosy cheeks (the sign of an alcohol problem or hypertension), and despite smoking bans everywhere, he puffs away on his pipe. That means no more late-night snacks consisting of cookies and milk. Santa keeps his BMI in the healthy range with Greek yogurt and fruit instead. From now on, Santa’s right-hand companion will be a recycled bottle filled with filtered tap water.  

A realist would say that the next thing to look at is the arrest all Santa impersonators. People are thrown in jail for committing fraud on a daily basis, why should a mall Santa be any different? An Identity follower would counter that if there was ever a way to kill holiday spirit, it would be the mass arrest of Santas all over the world. Liberals would want to set up work groups to help Santas find other means of income, and Identity approach would also look at the affect it would have on citizens of different states. Coming up with new disorders like “Ho-Ho-Phobia (HHP)” A profound fear of rotund, bearded men in red suits and black boots. Picture commercial breaks during a football game: “Do you feel anxious when you see pictures of Santa? Do cranky little men in green outfits leave you unsettled? Ho-Ho Phobia (HHP) outbreaks usually take place beginning in late November.” This would cause severe disruption in families who use Santa’s coming as a tool of parental control. This might lead some wondering if election day, or Christmas Eve bring more terror to the people?

But there is the flip side, from an identity perspective. He is an active person who defies stereotypes. He has come to terms with his own body image. He gives without expecting anything in return. He conserves energy, driving a non-gasoline-powered vehicle. He doesn't require government funding. And, best of all, he gives without regard to race, creed, color or national origin. 

Feminism is for everybody.

It’s not about being anti male, but anti sexism. In Bell Hooks’s book, “Feminism is for everybody,” she looks at the stereotypes that feminism is defined under, and seeks to explain the error in the old definition, explaining that true “Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.” (Hooks viii).

This is something that I have personally studied a lot on, not because I hate men, but because I want to understand people. I think that sex is a consuming aspect in our lives, it’s how we are created, sex makes us who we are. But this book explains that sexual freedom isn’t the main goal, it’s a fight against violent acts and oppression.  When a person is sexually exploited, the impacts are far longer lasting than, for example, a car wreck. You can break bones, and they’ll heal. If you are raped or molested, trafficked or forced into other forms of prostitution, that changes you. “We are all participants in perpetuating sexism and until we change our minds and hearts, until we let go sexist thought and action and replace it with feminist thought and action.” (Hooks ix).

In Hooks eyes, patriarchy comes with a price. There are all different forms of patriarchy, but I’ll discuss it as a male dominant society that is enforced upon people. There are many benefits to this society for men who practice it. Higher wages, better benefits packages, but nothing comes without consequence, Men in these societies are required to dominate women, to exploit and to oppress, using violence if they must to keep patriarchy intact.

This isn’t easy for most people, because they have a sense of right and wrong. This unnatural tension is the cause of men’s hatred and fear of women. Instead of trying to understand it, they choose to fight it. ” They are not certain what will happen to a world they know most intimately if patriarchy changes. So they find it easier to passively support male domination even when they know in their minds and hearts that it is wrong.“ (Hooks ix).

Feminism is a very progressive, ideological approach to a political movement. It is possible, but highly unlikely in my lifetime. I love the way it sounds, and that the approach is absolutely non-violent. It focuses on understanding and celebrating differences of background, opinion, and gender, instead of fighting it. “Imagine living in a world where we can all be who we are, a world of peace and possibility. Feminist revolution alone will not create such a world; we need to end racism, class elitism, imperialism.” (Hooks x).

Hooks makes a point to say that feminism alone can’t change the world, but a change of mindset can. That is what the focus on fighting racism, classism, and imperialism is all about. One of the biggest obstacles women faced on the early stages of feminism wasn’t men, it was the sexist beliefs that women held against each other. Diana Press in Class and Feminism spoke on class divisions between women, and although it didn’t take away from the sisterhood of feminism, it did point out that women are capable of being equally sexist, that it wasn’t strictly a male problem. Women exploit other women through sex, class, and race. (Hooks 8).

According to Hooks, the beginnings of feminism started when women began examining sexist thinking and started creating strategies with the goal being to change attitudes, not to convert individuals. “Only through discussion and disagreement could we begin to find a realistic standpoint on gender exploitation and oppression.” (Hooks 8). I think that her choice of realistic is what makes her standpoints different from the stereotypical scary feminist. It is incredibly important to remember self control when actively working towards a goal that is difficult to achieve, or unpopular in a particular culture.

Another setback that feminists faced was the surplus of fair weather femmes, who donned the title when it suited them, but didn’t live out the lifestyle. The predominant reasons that Hooks mentioned were on college campuses and in the work field. “These career-based changes led to forms of career opportunism wherein women who had never been politically committed to mass-based feminist struggle adopted the stance and jargon of feminism when it enhanced their class mobility.” (Hooks 10).

Hooks explained that when women jumped on board with feminism without fully understanding it, that it hurt the entire movement more than it helped it. Instead of focusing on the fight against sexual exploitation, they focused on women being a ‘victim’ of gender equality deserving of reparations. “The idea that women needed to first confront their internalized sexism as part of becoming feminist lost currency.” (Hooks 10).

Feminism can be applied to any aspect of the human condition. Your focus can be human rights, or the fight against terrorism, and the principles of communication and understanding can apply to them all. “Everything we do in life is rooted in theory. Whether we explore the reasons we have a particular perspective or take a particular action there is also an underlying system shaping thought and practice.” (Hooks 19).

Friendship

I was reading an article earlier on friendships and relationships and how some people struggle with  anxiety and depression, especially during Christmas and the holiday season.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. What you want to do, is try to figure out which category your friend fits into. When you do, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. You are experiencing some sort of difficulty and they are there to assist you, to provide you with guidance and support. Reason friends are able to help you physically, emotionally or spiritually, depending on your need. For those of religious beliefs, they may be considered a miracle, or a godsend. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Reason friends are only meant to be temporary. They will, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Whether this be death, or an argument in which one of you walks away. They may disrupt your comfort level by forcing you to take a stand.

What we must remember is that our need has been met, our desire has been fulfilled and their work is done. Your question has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Now some people come into your life for a season, because in certain times in life we are required to share, grow or learn. Friends will often come into your life and bring you peace or make you laugh. They may educate you in things you have never done before, and they usually leave you with a feeling of happiness and joy. It isn’t fake, it’s real, but it is only temporary - for a season.

These are people that later on will become acquaintances. When you meet in passing later on, you’ll smile and wave, possibly make small talk and catch up for a few minutes.

Lifetime relationships teach you lessons that will impact you forever. These relationships are very special, and are things you must build upon. These relationships are the hardest, but, when successful, leave you with a solid emotional foundation. Your responsibility is to accept the lesson, love the person, and utilize all of the other lessons that reason and seasonal friends have taught you.  

Love lust (2010).

I've spent years of my life watching as time passed by. Looking back and wondering where it went. I would try to fall asleep at night, tossing and turning, feeling completely spent. I’d stare at my ceiling for hours contemplating what the next day would hold for me.

Tossing, turning

My mind is churning

My thoughts won't let me be

Every morning greets me with a list of a thousand things to do. The evening greets me with the knowledge that I’ll never be through. Success? Yes success makes me vow never again to fail. But reality strikes back and I find I’m chasing an invisible tail.

If every picture tells a story

Mine must be a mystery

I’ll keep dusting the frame

There's has be something more to my life than running in circles for a living; something better than just trying to get by. I seem to be missing some important piece to this puzzle that gives more meaning to my life.

I’ve lost sight of what I can achieve

I’ve forgotten who I’m supposed to be

So, at this time, I pray for peace

I’m so tired of living in hopeless places. I’ve immersed myself in this before. With people who were infatuated with my earthly things, and not concerned with love.  So I must fill my empty spaces with the understanding, caring, and trust.  To surround myself in the joy that heaven brings, instead of settling for love lust. 

Good morning, my love (2010)

Good morning my love
How may I serve you today?
By cooking you pancakes?
By making you some juice?

What's that, you say?
You want to move in?
You want to start a family?

I would love to do that for you, in a year or two.
May I cook you a waffle first?